So Much More Than Perfect

Perfection to me is pressure. It’s always a moving target depending on who’s idea of perfection you’re trying to fit in with, and I feel, it’s the most limiting word in the dictionary.

Why? Because it keeps us criticising ourselves, playing small, anxious about what others think and not living life on our terms.

I’ve felt it myself and see it in others all the time, and with social media it’s even more present. Always the pressure to have the perfect life, the perfect style, the perfect body.

As a teen I remember being body conscious. I don’t really recall when it came about. It was gradually absorbed into my mind – a steady stream of messages over years about how a women should ideally look, what her priorities in life should be, what dress size if she wants to get that boyfriend (Kate Moss / size 6 was the goal).

Somewhere along the way I had started self criticising and felt shame about myself.

Always comparing.

Always feeling unworthy.

It felt normal to be negative when I looked at myself in the mirror, it was like a game – Let’s Find a Fault (but there were certainly no winners). Most of the time I didn’t even realise that I was doing it until I reached breaking point and my self worth was rock bottom, (hmm why do I feel so useless, unlovable and unconfident? – well Chick, that’s because you’ve been telling yourself these things for a long, long time). It took many years to undo all that negativity. I had to learn to catch myself in mid negative thought and and remember that I would never talk that way to a friend or a child (or anyone else for that matter) so why is it okay to talk like that to me?

Now, well, self love might be a stretch at the moment (I’m on a journey) but I will never put myself down again.

Yet, as a photographer of people, I hear negative words A LOT. Women wanting desperately to be some kind of ‘perfect’ for their photo. Making disclaimers to me about not being photogenic, or being too fat, too many lines, having a double chin. “Can you photoshop me…?”

Woah there, did you forget that life is not a beauty contest (even though the patriarchy might tell us otherwise)? You’re talking like beauty is the only thing women have to offer.

I’ve know some women be so self-conscious and ashamed of their own face or body that they couldn’t bear to have a photo taken. This makes me frustrated, I want to shake them and tell them to stop all this crazy talk! As I know all too well the road it leads to.

I wish I could convince women to accept themselves, to not put themselves down. I wish society and big corporations didn’t make us feel like we have to buy into diets, and cosmetic surgery.

Guess what, woman don’t need to have a professional beauty qualification to succeed in life. It’s up to us to prove this to the next generations.

I’ve been doing a photography project for the Wild Women Adventure calendar and it’s been amazing to see the women of all shapes, sizes and ages bare their bodies for charity. I know for many it was one of the most scary things they have ever done. Facing their fears, learning to accept themselves and not compare to others is a huge step for their own self confidence and it also sends a positive message to all women and girls around the world.

They are so much more than perfect.

Embrace the new normal.